The second week of school

I am ending the second week of school feeling a little down.  I know that it is important to establish your authority in the classroom and to establish the procedures and routines that will make it an environment for learning.  I feel like I am failing in all aspects of this.  The only thing that cheers me in the least is knowing that I am not alone.  The other teachers at my school, veterans and new teachers like me, are feeling the same way.  I am trying to keep it all in perspective, keeping in mind that everyone says it will get better. 

The good news is, that while I feel like my classroom management is just awful and not working, my biggest fears are no longer things I am worried about.  When I was trying to imagine what this career would actually look or feel like, my worst fears were losing control of my class, having kids that refuse to listen to you, having kids start a fight in the classroom.  What if I cry in front of all of the students?  What do I do when they curse me out?  All of these things that I didn't know if I could handle at all.  But I am finding that I am no longer afraid of those things.  I have already lost control of my room, at least once when one of the Assistant Principals was there.  I did get it under control at least once while she was still in the room, but unfortunately it didn't last the rest of the lesson.  I do have kids that refuse my directions or won't listen to me.  But when you are in that moment, you sort of just react and know how to handle it.  I have not had a fight, but I know of teachers that have already this year, and I can see even handling that.  I haven't even felt like crying in front of the kids, no matter how frustrated I am.  (I have cried at the end of the day though, but never in front of them.)


Now, my biggest fear is that I am not going to teach anything to anyone  ever.  I have 2 classes in which I actually feel I get to teach, because they are classes that are smaller with fewer behavioral disruptions.  I have 2 other classes that are larger (but not outrageously large, 29 is the largest) and extremely diverse.  I am in a co-taught classroom in which myself and another teacher who is getting certified in special education teach together.  We have many young people with special needs that include specific learning disabilities, as well as many with behavioral and emotional issues.  In my two larger classes, I feel that no learning is taking place.  In one class, it feels like a good day if I can get most of them in their seats.  We spent a week doing fraction to decimal conversions.  I gave a quiz today, and even the kids that I thought had it, don't have it.  I feel like a failure as a teacher so far.

I know I am not alone in feeling this way right now.  I also know I have to keep trying.  I know there is a way to teach these kids.  I know others manage to do it everyday.