Overwelmed but still here

Every day I have some great or terrible experience or insight or just huge blunder that I think would be a great thing to share on my blog.  But all of these things never make it to the page.  I usually come home and collapse, then get up to spend more hours lesson planning and grading until I have to get my 3-4 hours of sleep so I can do it all again tomorrow.  I knew this would be a difficult and challenging experience.  I have had many moments where I have just broken down, and other moments of hopelessness.  But you can't dwell on these things for too long. 

I am trying to continually remind myself everyday of the many good things happening at school.  Right now, I am trying to focus on the kids and remember that they are in fact children.  They are often so frustrating, I start to see them as my adversaries and as the problem to be solved.  They can become this faceless mob in my mind too easily.   When I take a moment to remind myself of who they are, and why I am here, I see their faces again.  These kids, as frustrating as they can be, are smart and funny and often very thoughtful young people.  Some of my favorite students are also the most frustrating because I know they can do the work, but they do not apply themselves for whatever reason, and I have thus far not been able to motivate them.  They are 11-12 years old, even the ones that seem so much older.  They act tough and think that they are "grown", but they are also scared and excited and unsure. 

I am noticing that the days I go into the classroom with a more positive outlook, and a focus on the kids and on their learning, those are often my better days.  When I go in there focusing only on how I am going to control them, or worried about being able to complete all of my planned lesson activities, those days often are not as good.

Right now, I am trying to focus on relationship building.  Trying to make some sort of connection everyday with a student. I want them to know I actually do care and that I want to be there with them (even on the days I don't) and that I am there to help.  The other side to that is teaching them that learning is a two way street and that I need them to participate in their own success.  It is a slow process, but in the end probably the most effective way to win them over.